Do you get the feeling that no one really knows how much you are suffering at the moment? Do you feel as though you are the only one to ever go through a breakup that is this bad? Well, as difficult as it may seem at present, you have to know that your brand of pain is really no different than anyone elses (and I don’t say that to trivialize your predicament). In fact, we have all likely experienced the same hopelessness and despair that you are feeling at this very moment at some point in our lives. The bottom line is that dealing with a breakup is not easy – no matter how you slice it. That is simply a part of being human.
Dealing With a Breakup – it really isn’t as hard as you are making it out to be
There is no doubt that you are going through some incredible emotions at the moment. When it comes to distressing events in our lives, splitting up with a loved one is just about as bad as it gets. The good news is that things will get better over time. Time has a way of making things right again, even if you don’t get back together. Have faith in the fact that you are going to be just fine and you will get through this. Not that you want to forget the one true love of your life, but you are going to find that some day you will starting thinking of someone else in the same way that you thought of your ex. That is almost guaranteed.
Now, the worst thing that can happen is that you don’t get your ex back. However, you have to look at your overall odds and be a little optimistic. The chances of your ex not giving you another chance are slim, and the best thing that you can do at the moment is to look ahead and maintain some positivity.
For most folks, dealing with a breakup is an all or nothing sort of thing. They have the attitude that if they don’t have that familiar old relationship now, it is unlikely to happen. It means that they are too impatient to see the big picture. In reality, you still have many chances to fix things and get back the person you were meant to be with. All that is required is a level head and the ability to see where you have opportunity and where you don’t.
Dealing With a Breakup by not dealing with it
In the days following the breakup, you probably don’t have much opportunity to make things right. Your ex is simply not going to hear whatever it is you have to say. It is too early and they are not in the right frame of mind to be talked into anything. At this point, the best thing you can do is make yourself scarce.
If you are not able to let it go in the first few days, it is almost inevitable that you are going to make the situation a whole lot worse. Maybe you know someone who has really blown their chances by going a little crazy in the days following the split. Maybe it has happened to you. In any case, nothing good is ever going to come of this. No matter how reasonable it may sound to you, you are going to lose ground if you continue to talk to your ex. You are going to make yourself look desperate and predictable – exactly the opposite of the person you want to be.
In short? Just refuse to deal with it.
One of the best things you can do for yourself at the moment is to take that long overdue vacation or travel across the country to stay with friends or family. You have to find a way to kill time for the first few weeks and not give in to the temptation to contact your ex. Many people find this the most difficult part. In some cases, you may have to arrange things so that it is virtually impossible to contact your ex. I know, it seems like drastic measures, but it is definitely effective.
While you are away, make sure that you are doing things to keep your mind off the situation. The more you think about your ex and the previous relationship, the more likely it is going to be that you will end up contacting him/her.
Though it may sound like the easiest thing in the world, handling a breakup by refusing to deal with it is something that is going to test you like nothing else. Taking a trip is one of the best ways to deal with this because, not only are you going to be distracted doing other things, you are also likely to be so far away that you won’t have the chance to contact him/her even if you wanted to. One last bit of advice before you go on vacation – make sure that you leave you cellphone at home. Out of site, out of mind and you won’t be tempted to make a move that could end any chance of getting back with the love of your life.
Getting in Touch With Your Ex – how to know when to make contact again
Okay, so you managed to make it this far without contacting your ex – congratulations. However, this isn’t over by a long shot. The one good thing at this point in time is that you have not ruined your chances by giving in to your urges and contacting him/her. That means that you have not had the opportunity to make things worse.
Ultimately, however, you are going to have to make contact with your ex if you intend on getting them back. Staying away is a short term strategy only and is not going to actually help you repair things to the point where you can pick up the relationship where you left off. Knowing when to make that contact is going to be key here.
In order to increase your chances, you are going to have to read your ex well. If you have been together for a while, you should be able to do this without too much trouble. Start off by sending them an email after a few weeks just to say hi. It is critical that you keep this light and casual. If you start getting intimate, there is a very good chance that you are going to blow it in a big way. Simply ask how they are doing. Don’t tell them how much you miss them or how depressed you feel since the breakup. Definitely, don’t tell them you love them, even though every fiber of your being is telling you to bare your soul.
Think about what it was like when you started dating. At that time, you certainly had to take it easy and get to know each other before you started getting heavy. This is no different. But, think of it this way: you may actually get to know one another a little better.
As for the method of communication, you may want to consider using email for the first contact. Very few of us are able to think quickly on our feet and when you are on the phone live, you don’t have a second chance to say the right thing. In the worst possible case, you are going to say something that is going to ruin your chances for good and you won’t be able to “fix” it. On the other hand, when you send an email, you can create a draft, read it over and decide if you want to change something. Also, you aren’t under the gun to keep up a lively conversation. Eventually, you may want to call them in person, but for now, you need every advantage you can get. Oh, and you also won’t be putting them on the spot. They can take their time to get back to you and really think about what they are going to say.
Once you establish contact, you may wish to send a few emails back and forth and feel the person out. Try to get a handle on where they are at before you take things further. If you sense that they are okay with communicating with you again, see if they want to meet up. Eventually, you are going to have to do this, but if the time doesn’t feel right, there is nothing wrong with postponing things until you get better vibes from them.
Arrange to meet somewhere that is not too private (a coffee shop is ideal) and make sure that it is during the day. You don’t want to make it look like you are trying to get a date. Again, think about how things where when you first started dating. If your ex thinks that you are simply trying to manipulate them, you are not going to get very far.
Appearance and Attitude Are Everything
There is no doubt that dealing with a breakup is hard and you may be at a difficult place when it comes to your confidence and self esteem, but you have to try and break through this. Sure, you were dumped and rejected, but you can’t let that define your life. If you are feeling low, it is going to show through in your appearance and personality.
When meeting your ex now and in the future, you are going to have to show him/her that you are doing just fine without them. You have to show a confident, charismatic you that seems well adjusted, even if you are not. You cannot afford to let them see that you are suffering.
Make them laugh and show them the personality that they fell in love with the very first time. If they fell for you once, they can fall for you again. As long as you don’t bring up the relationship in any form, you should be okay. Be witty, not needy. Show them what you have to offer and make them realize that they want you back.
And that is the key to all of this: you have to make them want you back instead of trying to force them to come back. If you are able to do this, the rest is simple semantics.
Dealing with a breakup is often simply a matter of putting things in perspective, making some basic moves that will allow you to have the upper hand and having a whole lot of patience. Good luck!