One of the best things you can do after a breakup is to do nothing at all. That is something that most people just don’t get and it is the main reason that they wind up in trouble. While this advice may seem counter-intuitive, you are going to have to fight those urges you have to contact your ex and focus on something else instead.
It is our nature to want to do something to fix a problem. If we do nothing, the problem does not get fixed – at least that is what we have been taught. After a breakup, we have an overwhelming urge to fix the problem.
But that is where you are going to run into trouble. You see, nothing you can say right now is going to make things better – there are no words you can say that will improve your situation, short term. Though you may be surprised to hear that, the sooner you accept it, the better off you are going to be. In fact, the only thing you are going to do by maintaining contact with your ex is show them how desperate you are. This is going to lead to them becoming even more distant and, as a result, you are going to become more desperate. You see how this can turn into a vicious circle? Maybe you have experienced this first hand.
If you find yourself in a situation like this right now, it is not too late to turn things around. Even if your ex is avoiding you and not talking, you can start to make changes that are going to improve your situation drastically. You can start by getting a little power back.
Yes, whether you realize it or not, you are at the losing end of a psychological game. Your ex is making all the decisions and you are reacting to everything they decide. That is not a good spot to be in and it is due to the fact that you have given away all your power. You have no advantage.
Obviously, one of the first things you are going to want to do is get some of that power back. You can do this by cutting off contact for a while. Nothing is going to work as fast as this and your ex is quickly going to realize that something is up. If you have been sending text messages and phoning them every hour on the hour and it suddenly stops, they are going to notice.
It is not necessary to keep this up for too long, but you also don’t want to get back to the situation you are in now. By breaking off contact, you are setting a new path and one that you need need to maintain. It is not going to do you any good if you break off contact with your ex and then go right back to the way things were. If you do that, it is going to look phoney and you are going to lose some credibility with them. Once you decide to go down this path, you have to keep it up.
On the other hand, you don’t want to overdo it. If you wait too long to establish contact again, you run the risk of your ex getting over you. Time has a way of easing the pain and that is not what you want. You do not want your ex to forget about you.
Instead, you should contact them to see how they are doing. Keep it very light and do not mention how much you love them or that you still miss them. You have to play it cool and keep any meetings short. Remember that you are going to have to start from scratch and the thing you have to do is exude confidence. You are going to have to be the opposite of someone who is insecure and needy and can’t think of anything better than to harass an ex with phone calls.
If you can pull this off, you are going to notice a different person. You are going to see your ex warming up to you and don’t be surprised if they start contacting you instead. That is simple human psychology and it works just about every time.