Not having any luck convincing your ex to give it another go? Well, no one said this would be easy. Sometimes, no matter what you do, it just isn’t enough. Don’t feel too bad though, because the odds are really against you. If you are doing everything right and you still feel like you aren’t making any progress, perhaps it’s time to move on.
Now, getting over a broken heart isn’t easy. Contrary to some advice you may get, it is not a simple matter of “sucking it up” and moving on with your life. You have emotional ties with your ex that run deep and you just can’t turn off your feelings like that – no matter who you are.
You are going to miss just about everything about them. You are going to miss the activities you did together, the places you frequented, and the time you spent together. You are going to miss their little quirks, the way they look, and the way they made you smile. In fact, in the time you were together, there is a good chance that you built your entire life around them and the relationship. It was a huge part of who you were as a person. Now that it’s been taken away, there is going to be a large hole.
What you fill that hole with is going to determine whether you’re going to get over a broken heart. For some people, emotion takes over and they wind up overcompensating. They get into another serious relationship right away or they go a little crazy and start doing things that are totally out of their character. You don’t need to go to such extremes to make the pain stop.
Getting over a broken heart isn’t easy, but it is logical. The first thing you need to do is accept, in your own mind, the fact that the relationship is over. If you’re still holding out hope of reconciliation, you’re going to be flip-flopping back and forth making poor choices and adding to the incredible stress you are already feeling. It has to be all or nothing.
Though this may be incredibly hard to come to terms with, you’re going to start feeling better once the decision is made. Just the fact that you made a clear determination of what your relationship status is now (single), opens up the door to unlimited possibilities.
If you’re having a hard time letting go, think of your relationship as an addiction. You are addicted to your ex and the relationship you had. You quite likely pushed everything else aside in favor of a life as a couple. It’s not easy getting back to the existence you had before you met him/her.
As with most addictions, there’s going to be an initial phase where you feel an overwhelming amount of pain. You may feel as though there is no life after the relationship. You can’t picture yourself being single again and you crave the old relationship so bad it consumes your every waking hour. Nothing in your life really matters – just that you get him/her back.
The not so great news about all of this is that there’s no easy way to get over this hump. There’s going to be anxiety and intense emotion no matter how you look at it. And it’s something you’re going to suffer through one way or the other. Some people choose to completely block out the rest of the world and turn inward, while other people deal with it as best they can and continue to carry on with a relatively normal routine.
It’s critical that you don’t become a hermit because of all this. Take a few days, at most, and afterwards, try to get on with life as best you can. This is a critical time and isolating yourself from society is only going to make things worse. What you should be doing now is filling your time with activities to take your mind off the old relationship. If you refuse to allow people into your life, you’re going to have way too much time on your hands, and that means you won’t be able to stop thinking about your ex and the former relationship. This isn’t healthy.
One thing that may help you get over this is if you really try to look at your ex from an unbiased standpoint. Just don’t remember all the good times and how great they were, really think back and remember the bad times too. You may realize that your ex isn’t perfect and they had their fair share of flaws. Take them down from the pedestal you have them on and have another look at the so-called “good times.”
Ultimately, not much of this is really going to matter. In terms of months and years down the road, it really isn’t such a big deal. I don’t mean to trivialize things, but, as they say, time heals all wounds. And it really is true. Years from now, you may not even remember your ex’s name.
The main thing, right now, is to get through this in one piece. By that, I mean with your dignity and self-esteem intact.
You will survive this, but it’s up to you how you go about doing that.
Okay, that’s all well and good, but what if you honestly don’t want to give up on your ex – you don’t want to think about getting over a broken heart because you can’t imagine your life without him/her – what do you do? Well, I have to applaud you for your determination, first of all. If you absolutely refuse to give up on them, then you may need expert help. This may include individual or couple’s counseling.
Another alternative you may want to try is to follow a proven method that has been shown to work for many other people in your exact situation. Here are two that I recommend trying: