You have just split up with the love of your life and you are hurting like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. What do you do? Is there any way to make them listen to you and re-consider? Well, while there is no magic bullet, there are steps you can take that are going to greatly increase your odds. These are steps that most of us miss when we are in midst of the incredible anguish of a breakup. We aren’t thinking clearly and, instead, make some really bad choices (actually, the exact opposite of what we should be doing).
The key to getting started on the right track is to recognize that you are running on almost pure emotion. That is not going to do anything for you, except make the situation even more tense. Remember that most of us don’t think clearly when we are listening to our emotions. We simply want the hurting to stop and will do anything to make it happen.
If you are being led around by your emotions, ultimately, you are going to blow things because you are too impatient and won’t settle for anything less than restoring the relationship and carrying on as though nothing happened. This is not how it works. In fact, anyone who has been able to restore a previous relationship is going to tell you that you are going to have to work a little harder than that.
But working hard does not mean that you should continue to harass your ex with phone calls and messages. This is working hard, but is also the exact opposite of what you should be doing. Instead, you should be working on trying to control your emotions and exercising patience. In the midst of all this, you are going to find that it is infinitely more difficult to control your instincts than it is to blindly contact your ex every hour on the hour until they give in.
You are going to have to show a maturity unlike anything you have ever attempted. This is the person you have to be in order to make things happen and get your ex back – patience and maturity. That means that you have to realize that this is not going to happen any time soon. The chances of you getting your ex back in the next few days are almost nil. Understand that, and you are well on your way to doing what it takes to get them back.
Contacting your ex because you are an emotional wreak and you can’t think of anything better to do is not going to get them back. If you are in this situation at the moment, just stop whatever it is you are doing and take a step back. It is never too late to start down the right path – even if you have made some serious mistakes since they dumped you.
You have to change the way they are looking at you. Right now, they may be looking at you with pity as you keep sending those text messages. You reek of desperation as you are unable to get a handle on your emotions. Perhaps they are even a little perturbed at the fact that you are not going to give up as you keep phoning them, begging and pleading for another chance.
Stop for a second and ask yourself if this approach would work on you. Would you suddenly start feeling attraction for anyone that used tactics like this? Not a chance.
So, why are you doing it?
You have to realize that you are playing a psychological game. You have to exude the right attitude if you ever want to have another chance with your ex. And that attitude starts with showing some confidence in yourself. You have to show them that you are still okay and that you refuse to be devastated by your emotions. You have to show them that you still care, without coming off as desperate and needy. Most people are unable to do this and that is why very few of us ever get another chance.
You will find that the handful of people who have ever been successful in getting their ex back are also the people who are able to show him/her that they are disappointed, but not devastated – that they still care, but are not going to sacrifice their own principals just to get back into the relationship. And guess what? This attitude will actually do more to create attraction than any of the other stuff you have done up until now. It is simple human nature to want something more when it is less available. And that is what you are doing with your new attitude – making yourself less available.
Not sure where to start? Why not ditch the cellphone and stop contacting your ex? Simple, yet very effective. Is that something you think you can do for the next few days or week? Don’t feel bad if you can’t, the majority of people are not able to do this. But you want to be different, right? You actually want your ex back and you are willing to do whatever is necessary to do it. You are willing to go against your emotions and adopt a more patient and mature attitude.
Try this: contact your ex one last time just to say that you accept the breakup and you wish them the best. Then leave it at that. Not one more text message, phone call or email – nothing. Do this for a week and see how much better you start feeling about yourself – even if they don’t contact you at all.
Though they may not contact you right away, there is a good chance that they are going to be thinking about you more than you realize. There is a good chance that they are going to start feeling a sense of loss once your phone calls stop. There is a good chance that they are going to panic a little once they realize they may have lost you for good. And there is an excellent chance that they are going attempt to contact you once they realize you are not going to take the first step and give in.
That is how you transfer power – and let me tell you: once you have a little power back, you are going to feel like a new person. You are going to feel worthy again and you are going to feel that you have options.
Yes, it can be a long road to getting that relationship back, but you are in the best possible situation – you are not sitting there, allowing things to deteriorate as you end up making all the wrong moves. You are taking charge of the situation and that is a lot more than most people do.
One last thing: If you want to fast-track things, you don’t think you can do this on your own, or you are looking for an expert system because you can’t afford to mess things up, you may want to listen to this:
Best of luck.