You’re hurting and it’s obvious that you need to do something.
I mean, you’re already doing everything you can, right? You’ve tried talking to your ex, you’ve given them time to think, and you’ve read everything there is to read online about ways to get your ex back.
But to no avail…
What else can you do?
Well, let’s start with the advice you’re reading online. It takes just a few minutes of browsing to realize that everyone is doling out the same tired old advice. These “solutions” have been around for years. Basically, it can be summed up in two sentences:
Ignore your ex.
Work on improving yourself.
But is it really that simple? Sadly, no.
I’m going to give you something that you can actually use if you can spare 10 minutes. Something that is going to allow you to move forward. It’s just down this page a few paragraphs…
It consists of 3 parts:
Part One is a 21 question quiz. Once you’re finished this, you’ll understand where you are, how your ex really feels about you, and the best course of action you can take this very minute. Oh, and just so you know, this isn’t one of those silly “fun” quizzes you see online that makes you wish you had your 5 minutes back…
Part Two is a list of the top 10 mistakes you are probably making right now. Mistakes that will kill any chance you have of getting your ex back. You need to identify these before you take any other action. Trust me, I guarantee that you are guilty of a few for sure.
Part Three is an 8 step method that will help you become the person your ex won’t be able to resist. Essentially, the opposite of who you are at the moment.
So, if you’re ready, let’s begin with the quiz:
Did you end the relationship?
TOP 10 MISTAKES
Here are the top 10 mistakes you can make when trying to get your ex back.
MISTAKE 1 – You won’t stop contacting him/her. Of all the mistakes you can make, this might be the biggest. It sends a signal to your ex that you don’t have control of your emotions when you keep texting, emailing, and phoning them incessantly. It also gives them a psychological advantage over you when they realize how needy you really are. In fact, if they have any feelings left for you, this will surely make them realize that they made the right decision in dumping you.
MISTAKE 2 – You turn into a stalker. This usually happens as a last resort. After much heart-ache and emotion, you may find yourself drawn to this type of behavior (even if this is not your personality at all). Your ex won’t return your messages, they have cut you out of their life, and you have no way of knowing what is going on. Are they seeing someone else? The overwhelming need to know is behind this type of behavior. Obviously, there is no way this can help you and might even end with you facing charges in court.
MISTAKE 3 – You become highly emotional when interacting with him/her. If this happens, your ex is going to experience a side of you they may have never seen (or imagined!). Usually, this isn’t very flattering and is going to hurt you in ways you can’t imagine. You must control your emotions in front of your ex at all costs. The difference between those who get their ex back and those who don’t is that those who do are able to control their emotions.
MISTAKE 4 – You make too many concessions and try to make deals. This is doomed to failure for many of the reasons mentioned above. Namely, it is going to show weakness and eat away at your dignity and self esteem. However, in the midst of everything, sometimes it makes sense (in your head) to just show them how much you care by giving them anything they want.
MISTAKE 5 – You use common friends to get to your ex on your behalf. After endless text messages, emails, and unanswered phone calls, you get to the point where you’re willing to try anything. But if you try to get your friends to put in a good word for you, or worse, try asking them to spy for you, you’re at risk of your ex finding out. If that happens, you just know it isn’t going to end well. Besides, no one wants to get in the middle of a couple’s breakup, and asking someone to do so is bound to cause hard feelings at some point.
MISTAKE 6 – You make them an offer they can’t refuse. Making a grand gesture may seem like the perfect solution to your problem, but you might want to hold back a little on that enthusiasm. An example of a grand gesture could include a proposal, a dream vacation, or any other generous offer. Often, folks will do this as a last resort – not because they really want to, but because they believe it’ll help. In reality, your former partner is going to catch on to what you’re really trying to do very fast.
MISTAKE 7 – You keep in close touch with your ex’s family. Not to say that you can’t stay friends, but you’re sending out the wrong signals if you are overly cozy with his/her family right now. Your ex is automatically going to assume that you’re only doing it to get close to them. I know, I know – but that’s what they’re going to think.
MISTAKE 8 – You resort to blackmail. Not real blackmail like extorting money out of them or anything like that, but the type that uses guilt as a way to force them to take certain actions. Usually this is a last resort type of thing, but not all the time. You attempt to make them feel responsible for leaving you on your own, or in a financial bind. In extreme cases, you may even threaten to harm yourself if they leave you. Obviously, emotional blackmail never works and only makes your ex want to run away faster.
MISTAKE 9 – The false friendship route. Once you realize that the romance really is over, you manage to talk your ex into being “just friends.” Eventually, you plan on becoming more than friends, but they don’t realize that yet. Over time, you’ll try to talk them back into a romantic relationship – or you may even up the ante and make a sexual advance toward them. This never works – and I don’t think I need to tell you why…
MISTAKE 10 – Your anger gets the best of you. After days/weeks/months of emotional hell with no progress being made, you’ve had all you can take and you end up losing your temper. Everyone has their breaking point after all. But if this happens, you can forget about any prospect of getting your ex back. Sure, the urge to get your own back and to exact revenge on your ex is tempting, but there is no coming back from this.
So, there you have it – The top 10 things not to do.
But is that all there is to it?
Well, it’s a good start…
Anyone who is caught in the raw emotion of a breakup, going a little crazy, and dealing with an intolerable situation is almost certainly making some of these mistakes.
But after you take care of that, what does it really take to get your ex back?
Well, here’s the thing: Love and attraction is created on many levels. Some of which we don’t have any control over. In many ways, we can’t help who we fall for – it just happens.
And that is the basis for why you simply can’t talk your ex back into the relationship. Sure, you may convince them that it is the right thing to do, but chances are slim. And even if they do agree to try again out of a sense of duty or guilt, it isn’t likely to last.
Your ex has to feel it – I mean really feel it…
So, it would appear that you have quite a task ahead of you.
You are going to have to make your ex want you back by creating genuine attraction. They are going to have to desire you on all levels. Not the easiest thing in the world to do considering your best plan at the moment probably consists of texting them and begging for another chance.
How can you create attraction when your gut feeling is telling you to keep contacting them until they give in? The funny thing about desperation is that it doesn’t usually end up creating attraction. And there lies the problem…
You’re going to lose if you can’t get your emotions under control. You cannot be emotional (desperate) and create the necessary desirability. It is either one or the other.
So, if you’re wondering how to create more desire, it all starts with confidence.
8 STEPS TO CONFIDENCE
Once you have confidence in yourself, you are going to be able to create the necessary attraction. Here is a proven 8 step process to do just that:
STEP 1 – The first step is acceptance. You have to acknowledge what is going on this very minute and accept the situation– no matter how bad it is. If you are acting like a crazy person/stalker, then you need to be honest with yourself. If your ex loathes you at the moment, you have to come to terms with that. If you are unable to stop texting your ex and harassing them, then you have to admit what you’re doing is wrong. If you are unable to admit you’re wrong, then you have to let go of that ego a little.
STEP 2 – The next step is understanding that it is the situation itself that is making you do these things. After all, you’re normally a well-adjusted person, right? The incredible negativity and emotional hell that you are dealing with is having a huge effect on you. Not to mention, the constant rejection is wearing you down as it sucks your last bit of self-esteem. Acknowledge that!
STEP 3 – Remove yourself from the situation by any means possible. This is vitally important. You need to end this now, change course and re-group. Surround yourself with positive, loving people who are going to be in your corner. Have someone close that you can vent to. Avoid the urge to isolate yourself because, eventually, you’ll end up right back where you were.
STEP 4 – Take personal inventory. Look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see that you like? What do you see that you could improve? What is your posture like? Try standing straighter. Need to lose a few pounds, get a haircut, a new wardrobe, trade glasses for contacts? Then that is what you should be working on right now. We are talking about attraction here. Start a self-improvement regime that is going to have you walking more confidently, dressing better, speaking more confidently, and projecting a more confident you. Not only are others going to notice, but you are going to start feeling better as a result.
STEP 5 – Do not wallow in self-pity. This is going to rob you of any confidence you’ve built. It’s time to break out of your shell, not retreat back into it. Get out and socialize. Isolating yourself from society is a form of self punishment. I’m not really sure why we feel compelled to do this.
STEP 6 – Stop being afraid. Let loose and stretch the limits of your abilities. You only have one life, live it on your terms. That is not to say you should take up base-jumping of para-gliding, but surely you have things you’ve fantasized about doing that won’t kill you. Take advantage of this time you have for yourself. Furthermore, If you have something to say, say it. Don’t worry about what people think. Make new friends, engage others in conversation as often as possible. Don’t be afraid to live. There are always going to be people who disapprove of you, no matter what you do. No one has the right to tell you how to live.
STEP 7 – Stop taking things so seriously. If you’re a serious type, you may want to work on easing up on yourself a little. Stop worrying about things you can’t change and have faith that your life is going to turn out just fine. What is the worst that could happen? You make mistakes – so what? Learn from them and move on. That is what life is all about. That is what being human is all about. By the way, most people react very positively to someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously.
STEP 8 – Being obnoxious is not being confident. You don’t want to develop a personality that will cause others to run from you. But, sadly, that’s what happens sometimes. Real confidence means that you don’t have to prove anything to people. You don’t have to brag or tell everyone how great you are. Being overbearing and loud shows signs of insecurity and drives people away – including your ex.
So, there you have it – 8 steps to developing more confidence.
Keep in mind that genuine confidence is attractive and insecurity is the opposite of that. If you’re an insecure person, there is a good chance that this behavior contributed to your breakup in the first place.
Think about that for a second.
Work on your desirability and show your ex the new you. If you can’t figure out a way to re-establish contact, start with a well chosen text message or two.
Best of luck.