Things have gone from bad to worse.
No matter how hard you try, nothing you say or do is making a difference when it comes to getting your ex back. In fact, you may have noticed that your actions are actually having the opposite effect – they are driving your ex further away.
You’re spiralling down, out of control and helpless to stop it. Every move you make now simply makes the situation that much worse.
If this sounds like you, your problem may be psychological. In other words, certain things may be going on that are causing you to act desperate and needy. In turn, this is turning your ex off. In some cases, you can literally “think” your way into such a situation.
Here is how it usually works:
Your ex tells you it’s over. From that moment on, you’re on the losing end of a psychological battle of wits that you have no hope of winning. By ending the relationship, your ex is showing you that they no longer want to be with you. That is going to give them the upper hand from that moment on.
You, on the other hand, are at a disadvantage. You have no hand, so to speak. You have no power over your ex because you are the one who was rejected. This is one thing you have to come to terms with and accept that you can’t change it.
However, you can change the way you handle yourself. You don’t have to fall into the trap that most other dumpees do. You don’t have to blow things out of proportion and make mistakes that will permanently damage your chances of getting your ex back. The way you start is by changing the way you think.
It is natural to want to “fix” the situation when you are told it’s over. You aren’t thinking about how to handle yourself psychologically. You aren’t thinking about being discreet and controlling your emotions. You are not thinking about how your actions are going to affect your long-term chances of getting your ex back. No, you are thinking about how you can make things right. You are thinking about getting back to the way things were. You are thinking about stopping the pain.
The problem with this is that you are going to start acting desperate – despite your best efforts. You are going to start contacting your ex to find out why they dumped you and what you can do to make it better. What you don’t understand is that you are making yourself look needy with every text message and phone call you make. You are telling them that it is okay that they dumped you and you want to make up. When it doesn’t work (and it won’t), and you get rejected, you are going to feel humiliated and even more distraught – this is going to lead to even more desperation and the cycle goes on and on. Eventually, you may get to the point where your ex just doesn’t want anything to do with you. Not a good position to be in.
Can you relate to all this? Have you been there and done that?
If you are in a similar situation, there is hope – but you are going to have to act fast. One thing you can do right now is get yourself out of the negative situation that is causing all your grief. The longer you are around familiar things that remind you of your ex, the worse off you are going to be. This is all affecting you psychologically, though you may not realize it. It is your current environment that is making you act a little crazy.
Try this: Simply make it a point to leave for a few days or a week. Get away completely and make sure that it is not possible to contact your ex. Initially, it is going to feel foreign and uncomfortable, but eventfully you are going to start forgetting about your troubles and enjoying yourself. Give it a try. If you can’t bear to be away from your ex, try getting some help from a friend. There is nothing wrong with asking for help at a time like this.
Also, give yourself persmission to let go. I know you have an overwhelming urge to get to the bottom of things and fix everything, but it isn’t going to happen. Things are not going to be the way they were and you have to live with that for now. There is no way you are going to force the outcome you want – no way…
Stop thinking about things your ex said – running them through your head in an endless loop, trying to process every tiny detail.
You’d be surprised at how hard it is for some people to let go… to leave things hanging, uncertain of what the future holds.
Enought to drive you crazy – and all the more reason to find a distraction.
Remove yourself (physically and mentally) from your bad situation by going on vacation, visiting friends, whatever it takes.
Give it a week or two and I guarantee you are going to start feeling a lot better.
Here’s a video that’s all about getting your ex back using little known, but powerful text messages: