There is no guarantee that you are going to get your ex back. As shocking as this sounds, it’s the truth and most likely the last thing you want to hear right now. As a mature adult, you have to realize that not all situations are salvageable and not all relationships are meant to continue past the breakup. You are in a very unique situation right now where the thought of never getting your loved one back seems impossible – and that is the hard part. Some day, you may realize that the breakup was the best thing that could have happened – but for now, you are having a hard time getting your head around such a notion.
While you may be consumed with getting your ex back, maybe you should be concerned with how you are going to get over the breakup and move on with your life. If your relationship is not salvageable, you are putting yourself in an impossible situation by only allowing yourself one outcome: and that outcome is to get him/her back.
Okay, so how do you know that it really is over for good? Well, the only person that can answer that is you. Deep down, you know the answer to this and you know that you may have to cut ties sooner, rather than later. But you may only realize it after you get past the raw emotion you are feeling at the moment. Time to develop some coping skills.
We all know that the worst thing that you can do after being dumped is to continue contacting your ex. That is just going to make you look desperate and undesirable. Now, even if you cannot imagine that you are never going to have your loved one back, you are going to have to act as though it is over – at least for a while. If you were meant to be together, you will have given things time to cool down a bit. If it really is over, you have started on the path to recovery.
During this time, the best thing you can do is act as thought you are single again. That does not mean that you have to start dating people just to show your ex how desirable you really are and what they are missing. No, but on the other hand, it does not mean that you cannot have an active social life. This is going to remind you of what you are missing out there and also show your ex that you are stronger than what they gave you credit for.
2-4 Weeks Later
Within weeks, you should know if the relationship is dead or if there really is a chance that you’ll get back together. The anxiety should have subsided a bit and without all those emotions guiding you, you are going to be be thinking more clearly. If you know that he/she is the love of your life and you are meant to be together, then start working on getting them back. If you know is is over, then accept that and move on.
For many people, the real problem is when they cannot see reality and they continue to delude themselves – in which case, there is no advice in the world that is going to repair the relationship. Bear in mind that there is no magic button. There is no course that you can take that is going to make things great again. Not unless you actually do have a chance and you are willing to work at making it happen.
One Positive Thing
One silver lining in an otherwise dark cloud is that if you cannot revive the relationship, there is a reason for it. Maybe you don’t remember how bad thing really were? Perhaps you are overlooking all the negatives and concentrating on the positives (rose-colored glasses syndrome). If you believe in the notion that things happen for a reason, perhaps one day you are going to look back on this and realize what a narrow escape you really had.
If you are about to invest in one of the popular get-your-ex-back courses, I would caution you to really think about what you want. Just because it feels as though you can’t live without your ex does not mean that you are going to be able to get them back with 100% certainty (or that you should be with them in the first place). Take some time to grieve and then really think about your options once the emotions have subsided.