One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to leave with the shirt on your back after you’ve been dumped. Yes, you don’t want to cause any undue hardship for the one you love, but you also have to look after yourself.
There are many reasons that people leave everything behind. Here are a few:
- You can’t admit that it’s over. If you take all your stuff, that is just one step closer to permanence. It’s going to be a lot easier for your ex to move on if all your stuff is gone.
- You don’t want your ex to suffer. Imagine taking all your possessions and then realizing that it includes most of the furniture. Or that you took the only toaster, blender, can opener, etc… Well, you get the picture. Most of us would be fraught with guilt if we had to do that.
- There are items that you both paid for. Are you going to take half a bed, couch, or computer? Should you just give it to them because it’s too complicated to divide?
Now, here are a few reasons why you should consider taking what’s yours:
- You paid for your stuff and you’ll have to buy it all over again once you get re-established. Sure, you could argue that your ex would also have to buy it, but if it’s something you own, then you should take it with you and not worry about the fact that your ex will have to buy a replacement. You are no longer responsible for your ex and you can use that stuff just as much as they can.
- If you are leaving, that means they are staying. And that means they will likely keep most of the contents already. Don’t feel guilty about taking what is yours.
- Down the road, you are going to regret that you gave it all up. What did you really get out of it? Are you even in contact with that person anymore?
- If you delay getting your belongings, it is going to be harder to back a truck up and take your stuff. Right now, you can probably have free reign inside the house or apartment because you still technically live there. You will have time to take stock and sort through things. Months down the road, it is going to be strictly their domain and you are going to feel a lot less at ease going through stuff (if they allow it at all).
- Eventually, someone else is going to be with your ex. They’ll be sitting on your big Lazy Boy, enjoying your state of the art plasma tv. They may even be sharing the bed that, technically, you own half of. Imagine the two of them waking up in the morning. He makes her breakfast using your gourmet coffee grinder, and your crazy expensive espresso machine – or maybe he creates his signature smoothie recipe using your Vitamix. Ah, life is good…
If you still have a problem taking what is yours, then how about making a compromise with your ex? You give them everything you own half of and, in return, you take every last thing you own outright. Not a great deal, but it may help alleviate some of the guilt you’re feeling. Technically, you should be getting half of shared items, plus all your stuff, but such is life. If it makes you feel better, just do it that way.
While you don’t want to leave your ex destitute, you also need to look out for yourself.