So why is it that we worship our ex after a breakup?
Now, you have to admit that it’s a little strange… 🙂
Yet, most of us do it. Well, let me clarify that: Most of us who have been dumped do it. If you are on the other end of the stick (i.e. the dumper), well… not so much.
I’m sure there is a very complicated, psychological reason for this, but I tend to think of it as a supply/demand situation. The more value you assign to something, the more coveted it is in your mind. And the more coveted something is, the more likely we are to treat it as something sacred.
The problem is that we then filter out all the negatives in favor of the positives.
That is going to get you into a whole lot of trouble in the days following the split. In fact, it is the number one reason most of us completely screw things up and make a bad situation a whole lot worse. I would even go so far as to say that putting your ex on a pedestal is the one thing that is going to prevent you from getting them back – period.
Once your ex suspects that you are worshiping them, all bets are off. This is the beginning of a long, slow, and painful ordeal that is going to strip you of your dignity and reduce you to nothing more than a nuisance in their eyes.
Think your ex is different? Can’t imagine them being so cold and vengeful? Well, keep this up and you may get to see a very different and unpleasant side of them that you had no idea even existed.
It all has to do with human nature and the fact that you are giving them all the power. Your ex is helpless and can’t resist because it is hard-wired into us.
So stop doing it!
That’s all you have to do – just stop doing it. Don’t play into their hands. Be your own person and show them that you have more self-respect than that.
But it isn’t that easy, is it?
If you are going through this very thing right now, you know exactly what I mean. In fact, you may be wondering right at this very minute how things flipped so fast – how you lost every psychological advantage you ever had – how you have been reduced to a needy, whiny version of your former self.
Hey, no one really knows how it happens, it just does. Don’t beat yourself up over it because we have all been there (well, most of us anyway).
Okay, so what can you do about it if you find yourself in this situation? Well, that depends on how mentally tough you are. You have to be mentally tough because you are going against everything you feel. You have to turn off your emotions and start thinking from a purely logical standpoint.
So, the first thing you are going to want to do is start thinking about the negative things in your relationship and the negative things about your ex. You may really have to work at this because your brain is likely still worshiping them. You have to cut through that nonsense and start thinking logically again.
If you have to, just think about something really disgusting. This has a way of grounding you really fast.
I remember being in a similar situation. I had this girl way up on a pedestal and it was making me an emotional wreak. Knowing I had to do something drastic, I started thinking about the most disgusting things I could think of when it came to her.
Like the time she took a dump in my apartment and cleared out the place with a stink so bad that it still lingered hours later. Or all the times she would leave her bloody pad, still attached to the crotch of her panties in the middle of the bathroom floor for me to trip over. Or how she would strip off her jeans with her panties inside-out to reveal skid marks for all to see. Or the time we both drank too much and she spent the night with her head in the toilet, hair covered in dried puke. Or the horrible body odor she had after a week long canoe trip a few years ago.
You get the gist, right? We are all human and your ex is as human as the rest of us. No better, no worse.
Ladies, I’m sure that if you think really hard, you’ll be able to conjure up memories that are equally as offensive.
Anyway, If you do this, chances are you’re going to start looking at things a lot differently.
Is this someone you would place on a pedestal?
Not pedestal material I suspect.
I know some of you won’t agree with this tactic, but I have found that it works wonders. Extreme times call for extreme measures and all that.
If you don’t want to lower yourself to remembering the worst possible aspects of your ex, try thinking about the difficulties you both had before the split.
Maybe you argued constantly. Perhaps they were critical of everything you did – cold and unfeeling – boring – sexless relationship – crude – embarrassing – know it all – unable to hold a conversation – etc… Think of as many negatives as you can.
There is no way you had the perfect relationship – really dig for the stuff you didn’t like. How does it make you feel? Maybe you don’t have your ex on such a high pedestal now…
Once you latch onto something that really takes them down a notch or two, don’t stop thinking about it. This is going to help you get through the next few weeks. Trust me.
Once you are able to get over this mental block, you may realize that it wasn’t actually your ex that was up on that pedestal. It was your interpretation of them that you built quickly after the split.