By Robert Ferris
If you are going though a tough time with a breakup at the moment, one thing you may want to keep in mind is that the days following the split are the most critical. It is during this period that you are going to make or break it with your ex. You need to say and do the right things from the beginning or you are going to end up like 90% of jilted lovers – always one step behind your ex, reacting to whatever they decide – to their every whim.
The problem with your ex having this kind of control over you is that nothing you do is going to make a difference when it comes to getting your relationship back. In fact, there is a very good chance that you are going to make matters a lot worse if you continue to harass them.
Are you in a similar situation at the moment?
Hopefully, you aren’t at that point yet. But, even if you are, there is no need to panic. Yes, it would be a good thing if you were able to start making the right moves from the get go. It would be nice if you never begged and pleaded with him/her. It would be fantastic if you weren’t guilty of harassing them with desperate phone calls and text messages because you couldn’t handle the emotional strain of being dumped. It would be nice if you hadn’t driven them to detest you and caused them to cringe every time the phone rang. It would be nice if you hadn’t completely sold yourself out.
But, as they say, nothing is over until it’s over. You always have a chance with your ex as long as you are willing to stop the destructive behavior. It is never too late to change course – even if they aren’t talking to you. The thing is: you actually have to stop – and that is where most people run into a problem.
If all you did right now was stop contacting your ex, you would be doing more than you have managed to accomplish in all the time you have been separated. You don’t even have to say anything (in fact, it is best if you don’t), just cut off contact.
What are you accomplishing by doing this? Well, you are finally going to show him/her that they are not running your life and your whole existence isn’t dependent on them. You are going to show them that you are self-sufficient and you have the confidence to make your own way in life.
Now, this isn’t all you are going to have to do in order to get the relationship back, but it is a good start. Why does it work? Well, by showing them that they no longer have control over you, you are going to make them start thinking. They are going to start wondering what went wrong. They are going to start second guessing themselves and wondering why you suddenly went cold. You are going to force them to come down to earth a bit and start being a little more realistic.
Remember, by phoning them every half hour, you are telling them that you are desperate and you have no life without them. In short, you are telling them that you are nothing without them. Sooner or later, they are going to start believing this and treating you accordingly. With every phone call and text message asking them why they left or pleading with them to come back, you are giving them more power over you. Eventually, they are going to have such a big ego that nothing you do is going to phase them.
Perhaps this is how life is for you at the moment. If it is, what is stopping you from making a change?