I know, I know, it may feel as though your ex has a deep hate for you right now, but that’s likely not the case at all. Unless you did something completely horrible and unforgivable (cheating, abuse), there is a good chance that they don’t hate you at all. In fact, they probably still have feelings for you – though they’ll never admit it.
Here’s the thing: You can bet that it took them a long time to come to this decision. Most people don’t just dump someone – it usually only comes after a lot of agonizing, back and forth. You can bet that your ex flip-flopped dozens of times before finally deciding to end it.
Once they make the final decision, that is it. Nothing is going to make them change their mind. They are steadfast and their resolve is strong. They aren’t going to be swayed by mere words. Even though you think you can talk them back, it’s unlikely that you will.
And that is going to make them look like they hate you.
It almost seems as if you’re being punished twice. First of all, they dump you and then they treat you like dirt. After a breakup, one of the biggest shocks is usually how cruel and unfeeling your ex suddenly becomes. After all, you shared your life with this person and have been through so much together – now, it’s as if they cringe just being around you.
And if you start sending them messages to try and resolve the situation; well, it just gets ugly.
Trust in the fact that things aren’t as bad as you think. They have built a wall and you won’t be able to get through right now. But if you play your cards right, they may eventually let their guard down and warm up to you again.
There is a chance, but not now.
On the other hand, if you can’t stop contacting your ex, well things can get a lot worse. You can escalate a situation to the point where they may actually wind up hating you – for real. And that is very hard to recover from.
For now, if you have done nothing wrong and you handled the breakup maturely, then you have every chance in the world of making this right. All you’re doing is retreating for now so you can live to fight another day. Remember that there are no words or actions that are going to turn things around right now. Even though you feel you need to do something, doing nothing is so much more powerful at this point in time.
You have to have a thick skin in the aftermath of a breakup because the love of your life is going to be ignoring you and treating you like a second class citizen. Do you deserve that? Of course not. But it is what it is and you are going to have to take the moral high ground if you want a chance at getting your ex back.
And needless to say, you don’t want to be anywhere near your ex for the next little while. There is no upside and a lot of downside. As long as you hang around, you’ll feel contempt from them and, psychologically, that is not something you need right now.