:By Robert Ferris
So, the unthinkable has finally happened: Your ex-girlfriend has starting seeing another guy. Does it really get any worse than this? Though you may have had your suspicions, it is now official as she is making it clear that she has someone new.
This kind of news can be devastating for anyone who is still holding out hope that they will reunite with their loved one down the road. It means that all bets are off and that the breakup really might be permanent. It is an emotional punch that can be almost impossible to comprehend at first.
But what you have to realize, before you allow this to wreck your life, is that all may not be what it seems. And the new “relationship” may not be as serious as they are letting on. This is especially true if she started seeing someone shortly after she dumped you. Now, keep in mind that the only exception to this is if she has been seeing someone behind your back for some time. If that is the case, the relationship may be more serious and your chances slim.
Let’s assume, however, that she just met someone new and is starting to date. Though you may think about approaching her, or even him, and confronting them, it is imperative that you take a second to think about your long-term goals. You then have to ask yourself what can be gained by doing this.
In all likelihood, the only thing you will succeed in doing is making yourself look petty, desperate, and insecure. In fact, there is nothing you can say that is going to further your cause. There is, however, plenty of opportunity to make things a whole lot worse.
In fact, the only thing you can do at the moment is ignore them. That is it – lie low and carry on with life. This does not mean that you have to be rude to her when you see her. In fact, if you are civil to her (even when he is there) you are going to show her a level of confidence that she had no idea existed. That can easily create feelings of attraction, though she is not going to admit it (even to herself).
In short, you want to be the strong person who is there for her. Though it may feel like you are giving in and allowing them to walk all over you, the exact opposite is true. After all, how many people have things so together that they can tolerate the new relationship with a smile and a “live and let live” attitude. Most guys end up blowing it at this point because they allow themselves to become overwhelmed with emotion.
Though you don’t have to be her best friend while she is seeing this new guy, you can let her know that you are there for her if she needs you. And she just may need someone to talk to in the future as the relationship she is in has a high likelihood of failure. It is just too soon after the breakup.
So, bide your time and be the person who is going to be there for her when the time comes. There is little else you can do at the moment but bite your tongue and force a smile whenever you see them together. Don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that they are getting under your skin. Show confidence instead of insecurity – patience, instead of desperation – and you could find your way back into her heart sooner than you think.