Look, I know you’re having a hard time dealing with things at the moment. It may even seem that any move you make is going to be the wrong one and that you are destined for misery – as if your future is already pre-written and you are nothing more than an actor playing a role.
I can tell you that I feel that way quite often. Not only when it comes to getting my ex back, but life in general. Not everyone has a decidedly positive attitude when it comes to life, and at certain times (though it is unrealistic), it can feel as though things are going to happen a certain way, no matter what I do.
Of course, when I am forced to deal with a major loss like this, it makes it so much worse.
In the days after a breakup (if you’ve been dumped), this can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as your actions continue to create the results you dread. As negative events unfold, it only goes to reinforce your belief that you have no control over the outcome.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to spiral down like this. There are things you can do right now (if you have the courage) that will stop this chain of events from continuing.
First of all, you have to determine if you have the strength to let go. By letting go and cutting off communication with your ex, you are halting things abruptly and ensuring that you don’t go any further. Even if you feel you have made every mistake possible and you are as low as you can get, things will improve almost immediately if all you do is cut off contact.
If you don’t have what it takes to cut off contact, then create an environment in which you won’t be able to contact your ex easily. Go on vacation and leave the cell phone at home. Stay off the computer and just enjoy your time away. Whatever it takes.
If you are able to do this, you’ll start feeling a whole lot better about the breakup and life in general. Once you are over the worst of your emotions, you’ll see that you weren’t thinking logically and that ultimately it is you who decides your future.
This can be incredibly liberating.
However, you must have the courage to change course – to leave your ex alone and carry on with life. To resign yourself to the fact that if it was meant to be, it will happen. That takes an incredible amount of courage.
Do you have what it takes?